some awesome parenting books and advice to make you laugh, think, and smile!

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about parenting from different cultures, and also getting some really good advice from one of my sisters-in-law and mother-in-law!  If anyone has other good book suggestions, let me know!

-Bringing Up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman: You can read my previous post with lots of concise and practical lessons learned.

-Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua.  CRAZY book about how one Chinese-American woman sought to instill the values of hard work and success into her daughters.  I read this book in a really short time; it was fast and interesting reading.  Might be of special interest to those who are very interested in the extremely high end of classical musical instrument training for kids.  You will come to respect the success of many immigrants and people from other cultures, but you will also probably realize that some good old American “balance” is the way we like it!

-Run Like a Mother: How to Get Moving and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity by Sarah Bowen Shea and Dimity McDowell:  I actually read this hysterical book a while ago and couldn’t stop laughing.  If you‘re a runner or athlete type of mom, it’s a must-read!  

-Bonnie:  As I previously mentioned in my first post about sleep, Bonnie helped me with those ideas and also with general behavioral questions about toddlers.

-Simi:  Among her amazing contributions to my parenting strength and style are the following ideas:

-You are the perfectly matched parent for your child.  G-d gave this child to you to raise because you can teach them what they need to know to develop and perfect the traits they were born with.  While you can work on your own character and parenting skills, just be confident about your intuition.

-We need to balance din and rachamim (strict justice and compassion/mercy) with kids.

-Parents need to really know themselves and keep an eye on the big picture.  If Mom isn’t happy or needs more help, that is a legitimate issue for everyone.  We need to stay balanced by figuring our what WE need as adults, and not feeling guilty about taking care of ourselves.  Otherwise things might backfire a bit, like the mom who wants to do it all perfectly but gets so overwhelmed that she just screams at the kids, puts on the TV (aka electronic babysitter), and crashes in her room.  Better to do some pre-emptive mommy care-taking and pampering!

-Teach when kids are receptive: Everyone prefers to learn and be corrected in a non-defensive environment and when they are relaxed!  For example, Simi tells her kids some bedtime stories about kids very much like themselves, whose names are in fact their own middle names, and uses these ongoing sagas to explain values and dilemmas that her own kids might face.  These are crucial teaching moments but come wrapped in cozy blankets and pillows.

-We do have the option of not correcting a child when we feel they cannot yet learn a lesson.  We also don’t want to put a “stumbling block” before them and ask or require them to do something that they are extremely likely to fail at.  Example scenario: Sharing a brand new toy right away.  Just give them some time with it and then start they can start sharing!  Another example: trying to get a kid to sit on toilet, but they refuse because they’re uncomfortable.  They have an accident.  You clean up.  You attribute it to their stage of physical and emotional development that they cannot control themselves fully yet, and aren’t mature enough to sit and wait.  Sometimes accidents happen and we don’t want to sour the whole experience of trying and learning, so we have to wait to teach until they’re ready.

In addition to these great ideas that are helping me think through the current and next stage of family and parenting, I plan to research the actual developmental psychology of toddlers!  Any psychologists or college psych majors out there have any good recommendations for where to read about this?