New web resources for 9 Av with kids

Previous 9 Av posts on this blog: (with cute pics!)

2016 (mostly crafts and Kamtza story)

2017 (new crafts and videos)

2017 (thoughts about my fasting)

2018 (new crafts)

2019 (no post; we did CKids online camp)

2020 (right here below!)

9 Av, 2020 (5780)

David and our friend Joanne at our weekly Art in the Park at the Panama City Beach Conservation Park.  The kids and I and our friends Joanne and Cynthia focused on 9 Av related projects on Erev 9 Av this year at our weekly meet-up

At Art in the Park, Adira and Nesya painted with acrylics two beautiful Kotels
on upcycled corrugated cardboard with Ms. Cynthia!

Nesya designed a great Beis HaMikdash on 9 Av morning and our new kitten Radish moved right in, like one of those roaming Jerusalem cats!  Mommy was able to remember the arrangement of the major things in the Temple from a great Aleph Beta video about how they mimic the arrangement of a human face- the Aron is the brain (top center), the eyes are the visible things (Showbreads and Menorah,) the nose is the Ketores (incense,) and the mouth is the misbeyach (main alter.) (Hopefully this was correct!)

Web resources- Links all open in new windows

1) https://www.themikdash.com/about-us

This website is made by a nine year old boy and is a pretend/futuristic visitors center for the Beis HaMikdash. Fun to explore!

2) https://vimeo.com/440184736  A great 9 minute story of the parable of the Prince and the Three Suits- a story meant for Shabbat Chazon, the Shabbat prior to 9 Av (from a kids Chabad resource called Chitas for Kids)

3) Torah Live  A short clip called "Twice Exiled."  What do these exiles teach us about our relationship with Hashem?

4) My YouTube playlist for 9 Av  Our 9 Av activities always include "Kamtza and Bar Kamtza" video stories, and some newer virtual reality, a capella music, and a couple Temple Insitute videos. For the VR it's best with inexpensive VR viewing goggles which you put your phone into and watch it through these special lenses.

5) AlephBeta.org has a great series on Sinat Chinam and Three Weeks/9 Av

6) kidschitas.org / CKids Tisha B'Av online "camp" is a great 4 hr interactive video program in which you can send in your pictures to be on their "camper camera roll" and do games, lessons, stories, other related entertainment
This second link (following) is to the PDF of printables, although I don't know if it will remain active after this mo'ed. https://kidschitas.org/media/Passport5780.pdf

The Havlins found us on the camp camera roll!!

all three kids got their photos on the video, and it was so

exciting to wait and see them!  The program was great as usual!

7) Adira's summer camp, Camp Shoshanim, sent out a PDF of activities but I don't know if I am allowed to share it.  It has a cool activity with using emojis to represent the emotions of Hashem during Jewish history.  I hope to post it when I get permission.

8) Adira did a drawing workshop through an Instagram artist to learn how to draw a realistic 3D beis hamikdash.  Thank you Chaya for sending resources like this!

Mom's 9th Yartzheit project

A project I did for my mom's 9th yahrtzeit last month - shared on Facebook, copied below.  It had a good response, and the people who requested books were very eager for the book and to do something in Mom's memory.

Mother's Day Reflections

Mother's Day was yesterday. As always it gives me happiness to see many people enjoying their mothers, and it gives me gratitude and pleasure to remember my mother, now missing from us and her grandchildren and friends over eight years. I'm thinking of my hubby, family and friends who also miss their moms. There's too many of us who lost our moms way too soon.

I am so thankful to the Creator that we have the opportunity to create and nurture life, too. That is truly a gift of love. I love the little people Gd has blessed us with; no matter how challenging some things in daily life with kids can be, the love they pour on me is so sweet and I look forward to many, many happy and healthy years with them, G-d willing.

I want to thank the many women I respect and love who are there for me at every turn. Each of you is precious to me and appreciated! I hope you know how important a role you play in my life and in turn, my whole family's life. Every friendly expression, warm spoken or written word, whether in a small or large gesture, you all help fill the void of having my mom here as my friend and counsel, and the bonds of friendship are another of life's treasures. What a rich world we live in where we can enjoy so many relationships! Wishing everyone a lot of health and happy times, and peace.

For a beautiful image and message-

https://www.instagram.com/p/BxUYs-Bh916/

9 Av 2018

This was one of my best fasts (25 hours, no water or food!) yet.  The only prep I did was drinking a lot of water, no bananas or other tricks.  And B"H it went well.  I only nursed 3 times while fasting ( morning, nap, bedtime) and I was able to be active (and not need to lay down) most of the day.  I was just a little spent for "socializing" with the kids in the last few hours, but thank G-d was able to do some great projects with them and help them to have playdates and activities to do.  I think I'm seeing over the hill on the tougher times fasting while nursing.  Phew!

I read a lot of good articles and watched some good video shiurim on AlephBeta.org.  Here are some pics of our projects!  Rachelli and Adira had a short "camp" for the little kids and Nesi went to Camp Ora for a few hours too.

The kotel picture is printed from the Challa Crumbs blog, and we wrote our tefillas on the stones before decorating with sand or glitter.

the classic old fashioned paper doll chain, with mitzvot bein adam l'chavero (interpersonal commandments)/ahavat chinam (lovingkindness) mitzvot on it

Round-up on kids body safety: wise words from an annonymous blog article

1. “Body safety” is a concept you need to instill into your child as routinely as you teach them not to touch a hot stove or to look both ways before crossing the street. If you introduce the concept early enough, it won’t even register to them as novel or unusual.
2. This includes equipping your child to talk about all of their body parts, which means naming them with their anatomically correct names, like vulva and anus. If you’re as squeamish about those words as I was, two things to remember: 1) to your child, learning those words is no different than learning your elbow is the part of your arm that’s pointy and 2) if something does happen to your child, these are the words she needs so she can tell you — and so you can stop it from happening again. This book has been immensely helpful in talking to our kids about their bodies.
3. Another one to instill and get comfortable repeating: Your penis/vagina/anus/breasts are private parts. No one touches your private parts except you, unless you need help cleaning them or a doctor needs to check to see if they’re healthy. And no one should ever make you or ask you to touch their private parts. Also be sure your children understand that children do not get in trouble if someone has broken the body safety rules.
4. Avoid phrases like “good touch” and “bad touch,” because sometimes “bad touch” feels good. Experts advise wording like “OK touch” and “Not OK touch” to separate out sensation from safety. “Sometimes ‘bad touch’ feels good” is my euphemistic and squirmy way of telling you that your child may experience molestation as pleasurable. (I will add: it made me so deeply uncomfortable to type those words, because they conjure something that’s both horrible to imagine and true.)
5. No secrets. “We don’t keep secrets in our family” needs to be as fundamental as “We don’t hit.” We’ve eliminated from our vernacular phrases like “Don’t tell mommy/daddy…” that were about delightfully illicit things like drive-thru doughnuts instead of breakfast or three days without a bath. No secrets. (Surprises are different than secrets; they’re only temporary.)
6. As parents, we need to unambiguously communicate to everyone around our children that we are alert and vigilant and OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT PREY. It means having conversations that feel awkward or uncomfortable. Trust me that it is more uncomfortable to have to explain to your child’s kindergarten teacher that you believe he has been sexually abused.
7. Tell everyone, “We’re teaching our kids body safety rules.” Tell them that you teach your children that private parts are private, and you would like them to reinforce that rule with them. Explain that your children do not keep secrets, even harmless ones like having ice cream twice in one day or staying up past bedtime. Underscore this last part: “Our kids do not keep secrets from us.”
8. In our family, we are telling all future babysitters that we run background checks. We’re putting up a sign in the kids’ bathroom that lists our body safety rules in kid-friendly language. (Ours include: I’m the boss of my body; no one touches my private parts but me; we keep our clothes on except when washing; and NO secrets. If you want a quick-and-easy version, you can download one here.) Make clear to everyone around your children that you are vigilant and your kids are forthright and aware of boundaries.
9. You need to have this conversation with everyone. Everyone everyone everyone everyone everyone. I thought we were safe with our energetic, bubbly, college-girl babysitters. I was wrong. Have this conversation with the adults at school (teachers, aides, principals, tutors), babysitters, your parents and in-laws, your siblings and cousins, camp counselors, parents of your kids’ friends (yes, all of your kids’ friends), and every other adult or teenager who has access to your kids. Aim for the conversational equivalent of a tattoo on your face that says MY KIDS ARE NOT PREY.
10. Teach your children that if another child tells them about someone breaking body safety rules, they should tell you. Be sure to reinforce again that children don’t get in trouble if someone has broken body safety rules. I am so deeply and unspeakably grateful to the parents whose daughter spoke up about what she heard from my son. If she hadn’t, we might never have known — and it might still be going on. That little girl has likely changed the trajectory of my little boy’s life by being brave and smart and understanding the kind of touch that’s not okay.
11. 
    

If you’re panicking right now about the things you haven’t done, I’ll tell you what the child abuse expert told us: It’s never too late to start doing any of this. We’re doubly focused on these things now because we know that children who have been abused are at a higher risk for further sexual abuse. 

Book review- What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast by Laura Vanderkam

What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast by Laura Vanderkam

(These are my reading notes, the highlights!)

Section 1- mornings 
"Hopeful Hours"  (think about how these words can accurately describe the potential of morning time)

-Productivity and positive decision-making happen in the morning. Most failures of self-discipline happen at night. (Diets, vices, crimes)

-Mornings are highly eligible for wasted time, when we see them as full of chaos. If we prepared ourselves before we start taking care of the kids or work, we already have several small victories for the day, advancing us toward the lives we want.

-We all have 168 hours a week, but not all hours are equally suited to all tasks. Longest stretches of concentration happened earlier in the day.

-Will power is a muscle. Things that used to require a lot of self-discipline become habits and rituals and no longer require effort or consideration, we just make them happen. Like toothbrushing.
-I am thinking about and applying what I read in this book to my own life, particularly analyzing whether my email/phone use is occuring at optimal times, or at times that I wouId be most capable of accomplishing something important in my day.  I noticed on my first morning of trying this that I enjoyed starting my morning with this book, exercising, or another good book or project, and not checking my phone first.  It was both a subtle and dramatic shift.  When I did open my email I felt like I was putting other people‘s needs before my own and cluttering my mind before establishing a good foundation for today. Those tasks on email that could have waited an hour and been no worse off interrupted the flow of my reading and progress thinking about this topic and other things.  Great lesson!

-One author/researcher mentioned the usefulness of making his morning ritual something for which he is excited to get out of bed- and makes a list of four things he is grateful for.  It starts the day in a happy mindset.
-Another beautiful idea from him is to put his gratitude into action and write a quick note of appreciation to an actual, specific person: a friend, colleague, mentor, spouse, etc. “This puts him in a loving, connected frame of mind.“  On a spiritual level, one could thank G-d for specific things each morning and gain spiritual connection.  A person could also do this in the format of a journal but that doesn't help with connection, just introspection.

-The book discusses the power of making something happen – knowing that you have to work at it for a couple weeks.  Start gradually, charge your progress and then it will start to stick.  Then will be at the point that if you skip it, it feels like you are really missing something essential.

-As mentioned above, in just four or five days of rethinking my early morning routine, I feel that these "hopeful hours" are too important to my sense of accomplishment and mission to spend on semi conscious activities. I want to start my day with a cascade of successes.

-Visualize your perfect morning – or perfect anything, and take steps to reach it! Don’t settle for mediocre.

Section 2, with the most successful people do you on the weekend –
-Did you ever think that there are 60 hours between Friday evening and Monday morning? Even if 24 of them are sleeping, that leaves 36 to accomplish relaxation, important things, and recreational activities.

-We have about 1000 weekends with each child before they are an adult.

-“Successful people know that weekends deserve even more care than you bestow on your working days. Every weekend is another chance to enrich your life.  How do you achieve rejuvenation? How do you arrange your weekend hours to create, over time, a full life?“
-Planning and anticipation is key. If you wait till last minute to come up with something to do, it won’t be as meaningful and you won’t have the distinct pleasure of anticipating it for so long. If you plan a couple big special things for the major time periods of the weekend, you can still be spontaneous about lots of smaller parts of the weekend

-Make a list of 100 dream activities. Try to tackle a couple every weekend and also plan some mission-driven activities, like volunteer work, that’s your time for it. 

-Don’t let chores “fill the time available“ because that time is greater on the weekend. The weekend has special qualities not to be wasted on too many chores.

-Next the author praises the Orthodox Jewish observance of the Sabbath!  Time away from the car, phone, computer, and your job.  Now it's time for other important things in life. It’s like cross training is to athletic performance.

Section 3- the secret of astonishing productivity
-No matter what your vocation, what you accomplish is the function of how you spend your hours.
-Many people have a tendency to “fritter away the time in front of us as if it were infinite.’

-Even if you don’t feel complete control over your time, you can “look at your calendar and see the possibilities inherent in minutes rather than seeing them as sand sifting through an hourglass.”

-Overestimating hours worked per week is common – and if you do it, you diminish the hours you’re not actually working.

-Marking how you spend your time in hours and minutes for a couple days can be really helpful to seeing what your daily productivity actually is. Mindfulness can help you make choices.

-Time is not a renewable resource – it is limited.

Planning
-Careful planning distinguishes good from not so good in many professions.

-Separately plan the week, the day, the month, maybe even a year

-Self-care has a good financial return 

-people work better when they think/know that their boss/company care about them

The Discipline of Practice
“Repetition sets you  free – it automates things, so your mind can think of bigger things“(Lemov)

Baby David update, 15-17 months (next time I'll really have to call him a toddler...)

What a busy time it's been with David!  He has been walking and running all over the place.  He's a serious handful.  Looking back on the last update at 13 months, one major change is that for many months he stopped waving, while starting and continuing to walk/run at about 14 months.  He finally has resumed waving at about 16 months and does the cute funny hand-wag and "buh bye!" and "huwwo."

He still gets super excited whenever the phone rings and yells "DADA! DADDY!"  He loves being with Daddy so much.  Daddy takes him and the girls to the park and the store a lot, and David always does very well with Daddy.  He puts up less of a challenge than he does with Mommy.  With Mommy, he will try to climb out of the shopping cart; with Daddy, he sits very well.

David likes to watch for birds from the windows (and call out "buh!") and chase them if he can, outside.  He loves to see dogs when we are outside, which is often, because he LOVES being "ahhhside."  He could stay outside endlessly!  It's fitting that his baby-talk for outside was one of his first real words!!! That and hummus.  He says "humma" or "hummy."  Let this be a record that he is an outdoorsy baby who likes hummus, like his family!

David (or "Lub Dub" or "Dubby" for nicknames) loves his sisters so much.  Sometimes while driving to pick them up from school he starts calling out "Deedee! Neni!"  One of the sweetest things he does is go to them for comfort- if Mommy isn't nearby, or if I scold him for excessive screeching/screaming, pulling hair, etc.  Adira is able to watch him quite effectively either inside or outside, for short times.  Nesi is really good at bringing him from his bed to Mommy in the morning to nurse (and requires exclusive rights to this job!)

He is beyond cute.  He has his top two and bottom two front teeth and sometimes gives a big cheesy grin.  He is very ticklish and loves having his feet kissed.  Nes loves to "blob" him which is making a big loud noise with her mouth on his tummy.  He sits with the big girls sometimes when they watch a video with Daddy- usually not paying attention to the screen, but sitting nicely.

David likes to eat these main foods: tomato sauce with baby cereal, applesauce and cinnamon, avocado, banana, mandarin oranges (he peels them himself), frozen fruit-cream, hummus, veggie straws, and baked goods.  He loves drinking water and frequently grabs the faucet and leans in to drink extra.  He nurses 4-5 times a day.  He is still taking two excellent naps a day (YAY for Mommy!) and usually doesn't wake up at night.  But when he does, Daddy takes pity on him and freely delivers him to nurse and then returns him to his crib.  After all, he is so busy growing, he needs the fuel!

David overall looks a lot like Adira as a toddler.  His hair is mostly curly.  He refuses to wear a sunhat, but he likes to take other people's kippas.  He loves going to music class and down slides (he figured out all by himself how to go down on his tummy.)  He dances when he hears music by running in place/stomping his feet alternately.  You can't hold this boy back, he is on the go!  We love David SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!!!  Sweetest little guy we know.  Thank you Hashem for the beautiful, amazing child!

Baby (Toddler!!!!) David Update

All About David, 13 months

This sweet boy, we love him so much!  He is 13 months old, and doing wonderfully! 

David loves to:
-pull electrical wires
-dump out bookshelves, pots and pans, CDs from the CD tower, and puzzles
-run away when it's time to get his diaper changed
-take a moment to sneak into the girls' bedroom if it's open
-go up and down stairs
-when Daddy calls, he yells excitedly, ADAH! ADAH! and pretends to talk on the phone often
-pushing cars around on the floor, chewing on marker caps, and throwing balls
-climb on things- we call him "King of the Dolls" because he climbs the dollhouse!
-when Nesi comes at him giving crazy tickles and hugs
-when Adira carries him around, mommy-style on her hip
-playing with Zaida when he babysits during Sunday morning basketball practice
-when Aunt Tammy does funny things for him
-Boys Time- Daddy takes him out so the rest of us can have Girls Time
-baths- sometimes he loves it, sometimes he hates it!
-he likes to drink water straight out of the faucet of the sink if he can grab it
-he likes to climb onto the dishwasher and into small spaces!
-he loves the big red Little Tykes car that Bonnie got the girls years ago
-take his naps- I'm trying to keep him on two naps for a while to come
-nursing!!!

Other ways he expresses himself:
-he starts throwing food on the floor when he is done
-he says "nuh nuh nuh" and waves his pointer finger when he is approaching a no-no activity!
-waving.  THIS IS HIS THING.  He is a great waver.  Hello, goodbye, just because, to family, to strangers!  He is very, very friendly!
-we are teaching him "so gentle" when he touches someone or an animal.  He used to pull hair pretty badly on the girls and Mommy but maybe that's finally going away now :)
-he says "muh muh" for mama, sometimes, when i'm lucky!
-he likes petting dogs!  not at all afraid (doesn't know to be!)

Why I Fasted- A letter to my kids

Dear Adira and Nesya,
Yesterday was Tisha B'Av.  I was able to fast for 24 hours of the 25 hours.  I had the experience similar to many other mothers- and it had nothing to do with hearing kinnos or Eicha in shul.  I didn't go to watch the communal video screenings, lectures, etc.  (I would have liked that but it wasn't possible this year.) I did immerse myself for most of the day in either learning and reading about the day, or teaching about it to the children of the next generation- YOU!

I felt surprisingly good during the fast (while being mostly horizontal!) all the way til about 7pm. I lasted a little longer until I suddenly felt more of a decline, probably due to general dehydration (even while resting) from nursing.  I broke my fast and waiting for my strength to return.  Toward the end of my fast, I didn't mind you seeing me "weak."  I want you to know it's OK to feel weak.  And I knew you would also realize that it was strength that allowed me to go that far.  I wanted you to see me weak and strong simultaneously, because that's often what it is.  A mixture of feelings.  That's also what our nation feels at times- both weak and strong at the same time.
I don't want to forget to mention how helpful you girls were.  Especially Adira, who was awake during my last hour as I started to feel unable to continue fasting.

My tools:
I was able to fast while nursing David numerous times throughout the day by resting most of the day. But the other tool I used my attitude.  I want you to know that that is how many important things are possible- a strong, positive attitude!  I believe that if you approach something with an "I can do that!" attitude, you have a pretty good chance of succeeding.  (I'm sure research has been done and found that to be true!)  If Hashem gives us a commandment, it means it is within our ability to do it- it is not impossible.  The sages (rabbis) knew that women are STRONG.  Even in today's generation, we are pretty strong!  Even while nursing a child we can fast!  If I wasn't nursing, perhaps I would have been able to be active.  Daddy and many other people who are healthy enough are able to be quite active while fasting.

Getting through the day and making it meaningful with the kids:
Even while nursing, I was able to sufficiently take care of the kids and home until around bedtime on 9 Av.  I did it through a combination of planning (preparing meals and activities) and employing mother's helpers (Meital and Bracha.)  We also had a great long playdate with Nesya R. and later with Tzipora.  Before the helpers came, we read some pages about what Tisha B'Av is all about.  With the mother's helpers, you did a kotel project where you designed a kotel and wrote some of your best mitzvas on it.  You also colored Kamtza and Bat Kamtza puppets and we told the story.  Then we talked about a scenario like that story but used real people to make it sound like something that really could have happened.

Thoughts about the day:
This year I didn't get to read the actual kinnos, because I mistakenly could not locate the siddur with them, although I did listen to a number of short lectures and read a lot of articles.  My reflections on the day don't encompass the experience of a typical community observance, but a "Mommy's 9 Av."
Tisha B'Av is a day of SO much potential.  It's a day to flex our compassionate muscles and stretch ourselves to think about the losses our nation has experienced.  It can be hard to feel compassionate for something that feels like the "other" because we weren't there at the destruction of the temples and the other calamities that have fallen on 9 Av throughout history.  But that's the very reason we have to try. Because it's so important to have empathy.  One million Jews died, our whole nation was exiled from the Holy Land, and the beautiful dwelling place for G-d that existed was desecrated and burned.  Even though living in exile can sometimes even feel so comfortable that we don't really wish to change it, it's because we do not even know what we are missing.  So every year, take at least one day to immerse yourself in the history of our people. Mourn for the actual pain and suffering, the loss that really happened.  A whole entire people, made homeless.  Take yourself on an imaginary trip to Jerusalem in those days.  And come out of it being sensitive to weakness, stronger in your confidence, and more compassionate to suffering.  I think it's really worthwhile.

I hope the rest of 9 Avs we share together will be very meaningful and reflective, and that soon, there will be no more days of sorrow, only joy and shivat Tzion, a return to Zion.
Love, Mommy

Tisha B'Av 2017 - new crafts, videos and ideas

Last year's post gives a bunch of play and craft ideas including link to cute printable puppets from BirkatChaverim.com

New craft ideas: I am definitely getting some of these in advance of next 9 Av!
http://www.kosherkrafts.com/27-tisha-b-av

Animated videos of the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza: (all between 5-10 min.)
#1 (best narration of animated videos I watched, great commentary, a little more adult style, but very well done, and not overly graphic, beyond the unfortunate mistakes that are part of the story and have to be explained to kids anyway)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9LUV7rSfpc

#2: From the great new-ish site AlephBeta, which has tons of high quality webinars, videos, etc https://www.alephbeta.org/course/lecture/tisha-bav-2014-lecture-2/autoplay

#3: (From BimBam, not impressed with a couple details of it, but 99% recommended)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6t3Zm7nMTg

Video list for older kids:

pre-teens or teens (because basically all of them have Holocaust content, not sure at what age/maturity that is OK.)

http://www.betweencarpools.com/what-to-watch-on-tisha-bav/

New 9 Av activity ideas
My favorite ideas from an article about camp activities for 9 Av (first two can be adapted to home, last few are just really good connections that may spur future activity ideas for older kids/at home.)

Rabbi #2: I remember during one summer at Camp Ramah in New England, we took the youngest campers, too young to really understand some of the themes of Tisha B’Av, down to the “waterfall” just outside the front gate of camp, on the river, and we talked about what it means to be separated from one’s home. We blindfolded them and walked them around in circles a bit so that they didn’t know where they were or how close they were to camp. It led to quite a good discussion and maybe helped them understand what it means to be “exiled.”

Use charcoal—literally burned wood from fires earlier in the summer— on paper, to depict challenging moments from their lives

Focus on the rabbinic idea that the Temple was destroyed because of sinat chinam [senseless hatred] and on Rav Kook’s complementary idea that the Temple would only be rebuilt because of ahavat chinam [senseless love]. Last year our program began with a focus on bullying—modern kids’ experience of senseless hatred. Several older campers volunteered to share personal narratives of being bullied. You could have heard a pin drop as they spoke. Then, the drama chug [activity] performed the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza, which defines senseless hatred, and then the idea of ahavat chinam. Then each cabin received a large wooden panel that had part of the cityscape of Jerusalem outlined on most of it, and a blank space on the bottom. The kids were asked first to each write down on a piece of paper an act of senseless love that they were committed to doing over the course of the holiday. Then they broke into two groups, the painters and the poets. The painters painted the cityscape. The poets wrote six-word poems on senseless love. When it was completed, the whole camp gathered in the amphitheater and, as we sang Yerushalayim shel Zahav, we lifted the 27 panels one by one—no one knew that they all fit together to form one large mural until this point—and literally rebuilt Jerusalem on the foundation of kindness.

Jewish Organizational Leader #1: There were a number of summers at Camp Stone where we cleaned up cemeteries after having learned about the people and community that used to thrive near our camps. 

At Camp Modin, the evening before Tisha B’Av we have a beautiful ceremony where the entire floor of the huge rec center is filled with styrofoam cups, with small tapers nailed to the bottom, in the shape of a Jewish star. The campers file in from the lawn and 400 kids sit around the star. The lights are off, and the older campers do a program that has everything from historical quotes from Anne Frank to facts about the Holocaust and other tragedies throughout Jewish history. We take them through a journey and sing Eli Eli, and Gesher Tzar M’od and Oseh Shalom and other songs of peace. Even the little kids feel a sense of awe. 

girl-power-positive programming about fasting. We had the girls talk in small, facilitated groups about why they were fasting. No shock: Tisha B’Av and Jerusalem were not on the top of the list; it was a day of trying to look better. We then looked through magazines and asked the girls to share the messages they were getting (you need longer eyelashes, here are the top 10 ways to a skinnier you …). Then we challenged them to find or create positive body images. It became somewhat of a collage, cutting and pasting words and images, adding in a “don’t” in some places, to change the negativity into something positive. We concluded with a discussion about healthy choices—eating, exercising, relating to friends—so that we were “rebuilding” the Temple: the temple of our souls, of our bodies. (think of the verse- Bilvavi mishkan evneh-  in my heart i will build a sanctuary- sanctity of our bodies)

Turns out I'm a "solopreneur!"

My friend Rachel Lubchansky (RELimpact.com) who moved from St. Louis to Denver started her own business coaching agency.  She created her brand, website, services, support materials, and an "Impact Insiders" group on Facebook.  I joined it mostly because I wanted to support her work, not because I thought I wanted to use a lot of her services.  But I did enter her giveaway for some of her business crafting services, and I WON!  Yay!! Hmm...last thing I won was a few hot kosher pizzas after a women's night out event!  I'm just moving on up it seems. ;)

For the Impact Insiders group, I wrote this intro, when prompted.  It was a good chance to crystallize some aspects of my "identity."

Hi everyone! I'm a solopreneur who has done a variety of different small "businesses" that are related to my passions and lifestyle. My professional background is in education and school sports management. I'm currently a SAHM (or maybe that's WAHM) with a baby and two girls under 7. I'm "my kids' mom and my husband's girlfriend-" i.e., I try to meet or exceed my family obligations/blessings while also pursing a lot of personal interests. In my years at home with my kids while they are young, I've spent a lot of time as a Hebrew language tutor, Judaics teacher, sewing teacher, basketball coach, garden building coach, and home-based camp director. I also LOVE being a community volunteer (on boards, events) and creating amazing indoor and outdoor play spaces. My passions overlap and cycle through priority level based on the season. Long term I plan to go back into teaching. Meanwhile, I'm trying to be ready to deliver "the goods" on the variety of things I love doing, when an opportunity arises. One of my challenges is continually wanting to do many different fulfilling activities and responsibilities, believing in the urgency of all at once! I know Rachel will help me distill out my mission, vision, etc!

To say more about my professional goals, and to entertain you, here are some completely 100% serious things I would do with my life if I had a few additional lives to live: be a playground designer, work for the CIA, be a doctor, go to school for like 20 more years...

I did get to help design the Epstein Hebrew Academy preschool playground last summer, so CHECK that one!  It was a small dream come true.  I like to recall how my mom helped design a new playground for our school in Oregon, Hiteon Elementary.  Can't think of a cooler job!

Here are a few of my latest "creations."  Click to view fliers in Google Drive in a new window.

(copy + paste bc blog links don't seem to be working...)
St. Louis Girls Basketball Club 
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B0-3JnX4tvg5SWFtbzlvam5nbFE

Garden Coach
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B0-3JnX4tvg5OGpYYzgteVRQT3M

Our sweet David!

I want to write a post for our precious little prince, our son David Refael.  I haven't been keeping a paper journal for him, but I will add this to his special mementos collection... below I will write about his baby months so far, what he is like as a baby, and what kind of impact he has had on our family.

David has brought so much love and affection into the world!  He is the apple of our eyes, the center of our family!  Everyone in our family adores him in an overflowing amount!  He has captured the hearts of many of his sisters' friends.  He has a few special friends from the bigger kids group- cousin Avi, Leon, and Tzipora.  They treat him with such love. He really looks like a combination of both his sisters, and sometimes I look at him and think I see my brother Joe's resemblance too.

The Secrets of Happy Families- Book review, by Bruce Feiler

Bruce Feiler scours the worlds of business, psychology, sports, the military, interior design, finances, and more to find the best practices that can be applied to families, too.  Everything he wrote about is backed up by recent research from multiple fields (which I am not citing.)  I highly recommend this book- it was entertaining to read (partly because written by a man!) and really full of helpful ideas.  Every so often I think it's good to refresh our ideas about family management, and not just go on autopilot.  It also reminds me to look back at my book review posts from the past few years and remember and put back into re-use the highlights!

Practices of agile families- based on successful business practices
Self directed morning check-list
why?
-kids find it comforting on groggy mornings to be able to go through the list of what they need to do
-parents can focus on the "softer side of parenting"
-teaches kids to be responsible and get the complete job done
-kids learn and enjoy the satisfaction of checking off the list
View our lists with words and clip art for non-readers on google drive (new window:)

Family meetings
-why?  because it's a built in mechanism for communication and reflection
-start with a drumroll or something else fun
-sitting on soft surfaces, in a circle formation, eating from same meal, and holding warm drinks are proven to make people act more kindly, cooperate like a team, and find their commonalities
-allows a time that kids know "tough subjects" may be brought up in a safe environment to discuss them.  i.e., not a crazy idea to sit down and talk to parents
-three questions to discuss
1) what things went well in our family this week?
2) what things could we improve in our family?
3) what things do we want to work on this week?

Miscellaneous:
-Go fast, but don't rush!
-to maximize sibling relationships and minimize conflict, have kids spend time beforehand engaged in a joint activity that reaffirms their connection
-most people have either a great family or a great career, and the other one is average.  The only way to have both be awesome is to apply the same level of passion and energy to your family as you do to your work.  Avoid that assymetry! (p.52.)
-synergize: build family unity while celebrating differences
-scientific studies show a persistent correlation between religiosity and happy families, and men with community religious participation as good, involved fathers and happy husbands.
-sitting at right angles is good for conversation,
-chores = "taking care of your awesome stuff"
-playing games together is a way to experience a common thing, when otherwise, kids and adults live in different kinds of mental worlds (online recs - Zynga, words with friends, cityville and farmville)
-try making an "Amazing Race" for a family vacation- creates teamwork
-"you're the kind of person who...(gets up and tries again.)" etc., from sports chapter, p.225. positive reinforcement builds self-esteem
-family boot camp- p.246. wow- forging a closer bond through crazy overnight missions!

Family dinners
-more about the family, less about the dinner (can be breakfast, or just a couple sacred times a week)
-kids knowing about their family history was the single best predictor of children's emotional health and happiness
-this makes a case for telling family history- stories and photo albums ;-) ;-) ;-) !!!
-the message is that a person with a strong "intergenerational self," who is connected to something bigger than themselves, is more resilient.  The family message is "we've had our ups and downs, but we've always stuck together and stuck it out."
-making really memorable family traditions strongly develops connectedness.
-lots of talking and listening.
-"hunger games:" playing word and talking games at the table.  word of the day (use it in a sentence), autobiographical story telling, alliteration, Q&A, etc.

Branding your family- family mission statements
-"the family brand is a clear, articulate vision of what we want our family to be and what values we want our children to uphold."  can be brief or detailed.
-80 words to help you describe your family identity (p. 66)
-create home environment where kids know exactly what is expected of them
-use a visualization exercise where a person narrates to themselves a description of their "best possible selves."  Research shows this is even more powerful than gratitude exercises.
-gives clarity and framework for dealing with life- because sometimes life comes at you in challenging, unexpected ways.

Five step process for fighting smart:
-isolate your emotions
-observe the bigger picture (go to the balcony)
-consider the other side's perspective
-don't reject, rather, reframe
-build them a golden bridge

teaching kids to manage money
-the chapter had lots of good options to consider from families who do give allowance, do not give allowance, pay for chores, do not pay for chores, encourage investment and savings through artificially high interest rates at the Bank of Mom and Dad, those who do not, etc.
-FamZoo is an awesome family money management website/app the author recommended
-most impact made when someone would have to give back a "gift" i.e.: you want Joey to make his bed.  You pay him $2 a week but if he doesn't make his bed he has to give it back.  That seems to be more powerful (based on studies) than rewarding him for making his bed, or delivering a negative consequence.
-money categories: mine, ours (family fun), share, save

Talking about tough stuff with kids
-if you talk about the little problems now, you can talk about the big problems later
-see chapter 7, the mom who made a huge, public, celebratory identity for herself as being the one all the kids could talk to about sex, coming of age, etc.
-impt. to name body parts because if you use a vague or incorrect term it implies there is something bad about it or can't be spoken of specifically
-talk to girls about getting their period earlier, not later!  it can help them be calm, proud, or excited instead of scared
-a "period party" is a special way to mark the time- give a care package, a fancy dinner, a shopping trip, something special like ear piercing, etc

9 Av with Kids ... 2016 edition

Once again we find ourselves in a broken world this year when the sad weeks roll around on the Jewish calendar.  May this be the LAST one!

When this sad day comes, I like finding ways to make 9 Av meaningful with our kids.  Usually our activities include (or newly include this year):

1) making an "Unconditional Love Will Rebuild the World" - "Ahavat chinam yiboneh et ha olam" poster- this year it will be especially working on the kids' "sisters" relationship.  We're really trying to encourage the kids to treat each other like friends, not rivals.  We frequently say, "that's not how friends treat each other" to help remind them how to play nicely.  We also say, "your sister is the friend that Hashem gave you in your family!  She can be your friend forever."  (That was a digression, but for a worthwhile cause...)

2) This year I thought of doing a short skit of the Kamtza/Bar Kamtza story, and they will either dress up for the skit or use these popsicle stick puppets:
http://birkatchaverim.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/kamtzapuppets.pdf

3) Here are a few videos that I found new this year for kids- there are probably more.  There are certainly tons for adults.
http://www.g-dcast.com/yavneh/#
not really for kids but has cute graphics: https://www.alephbeta.org/course/lecture/tisha-bav-2014-lecture-1

4)  An idea from Mishpacha magazine: Make hands and hearts bracelets.  Holding hands and hearts together, we’ll bring the Beis Hamikdash!

5)  We videotaped the girls and their friend doing an "Ahavat Chinam, Sinat Chinam Theatre" where they put on my hats or scarves for basic costumes and made up their own scenes of kind acts or nasty acts.  The audience (my sister, "Doda Marie" and I) had to guess what they were doing.  They got to watch the video of themselves while they colored the puppets/poster.

Here's an article on Ahavat Chinam- "free love," if you will:
https://www.ou.org/life/inspiration/loving-without-reserve-in-the-nine-days/

Unconditional love will rebuild the world

2015-2016 teaching update

This year I had the opportunity to cover several two-month long maternity leaves at Torah Prep Girls School.  I grew so much as a teacher and really enjoyed the different subjects and students.  I taught 4th grade Judaic Studies, 3rd grade general studies, and middle school language arts.  

3rd grade:

Some of my most memorable lesson innovations came in third grade social studies.  I thought it would be fun for the students to do an activity mimicking international trade when their social studies book covered that subject.  Each pair of students represented one country, with one primary export (for example, Bolivia - beans.)  They arranged desks in a circle, made signs for their country and primary export, and also for what they wanted to import.  We used the board game "Cholent" with it's recipe ingredient cards so everyone could trade to make cholent according to their recipe.  Then we made a flow chart about the step-by-step process of making cholent, from obtaining the ingredients all the way to cleaning up when it's done.                                                                                                 

Our best curricular project was for the social studies unit on economics.  We made a real assembly line, learned about specialized workers in factories, teamwork, efficiency, material and human resources, and supply and demand.  

Once the girls mastered those concepts through making an assembly line for paper pinwheels, they planned their bigger project.  It was to make Purim greeting cards and Thank You cards, sell them, and with the proceeds, buy new books for the classroom library.  This project involved elegantly written persuasive letters to the principal to donate paper copies (written in cursive penmanship,) business math, new creative skills, and a lot of teamwork.  The girls thought they'd be able to purchase about four new books with the money they earned, but I was able to get them SEVENTEEN!!!!  I hope they won't soon forget how gratifying (and multidisciplinary!) this project was.

The girls had a nice party for me after my last teaching day with the help of their Judaics co-teacher.  They performed a skit based on something we learned, read a poem/song that they wrote in an acrostic of "Mrs. Friedman," and gave me a copy of that poem in a frame.  How sweet!  I presented them with the books I purchased with their raised money, and a game card from the beloved multiplication/division game I introduced them to, "24."

One last favorite notable thing I did with third grade (besides read them the BEST "lost" Dr. Seuss stories) was help teach their "science buddies" class on Simple Machines.  I found a great Sesame Street video which inspired a lot of kids to go home and make their own kinetic art/chain reaction contraption/simple machines at home.  I was really proud of myself for finding a way to extend the short times of those lessons by making it so interesting that they did it for fun at home on the weekends!

Middle school: 

I loved getting to know these older girls.  I thought of numerous thought-provoking journal prompts, helped them understand difficult literature and poetry. worked one on one with all of them to improve their writing, one project or assignment at a time.  With the 8th grade, I got to read Island of the Blue Dolphins with them.  It was a book I really enjoyed when I was younger and still had a 20-year old copy!

Below, a student is presenting her famous person "character in a bag" project about Eleanor Roosevelt. 

Back in the fall, when I taught 4th grade Judaic Studies, I was thrilled to think of a gardening related project when we studied Sefer Yehoshua (the prophet Joshua.)  In ch. 2, when the spies go into Jericho, there is a good description of Rachav's inn in the wall, with the rope hanging out the window with the notifying red thread.  The spies hid in flax on the roof.  So what did we do?  You will understand from the picture below, and oh, was it fun to make these... we made paper "rock walls" to be laminated and wrapped around cleaned out peanut butter jars, and each wall had all the things we read about in the chapter.  Then we cut out little men (the spies) from foam paper and added googly eyes.  Then we filled the containers with soil and planted flax in them!  That way the little spies could hide in there when the king's army came looking for the traitors.  (And they wouldn't get soaked from watering because they were made of foam.) It was super cute and the flax grew very tall!

We also did a great skit from the same unit.

Here's hoping I'll have lots more good experiences subbing and teaching ;o)

Jewish source quotes about trees, gardening, etc.

Quotations from Jewish Sources about Trees

1. And God said: “Behold, I have given you every herb yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree that has seed-yielding fruit — to you it shall be for food.” (Genesis 1:29)

2. In the hour when the Holy one, blessed be He, created the first person, He showed him the trees in the Garden of Eden, and said to him: “See My works, how fine they are; Now all that I have created, I created for your benefit. Think upon this and do not corrupt and destroy My world, For if you destroy it, there is no one to restore it after you.” (Ecclesiastes Rabbah 7:28)

3. When you shall besiege a city a long time, in making war against it to take it, you shall not destroy (lo tashchit) the trees thereof by wielding an ax against them; for you may eat of them, but you must not cut the down; for is the tree of the field a man, that it should be besieged by you? Only the trees of which you know that they are not trees for food, them you may destroy and cut down, that you may build bulwarks against the city that makes war with you, until it fall. (Deuteronomy 20:19, 20)