The full school day schedule is intended to enable me to re-launch my teaching career and be available to work- first as a substitute in public and private schools, and later as a specialized and certified full teacher. Until that process accelerates, I am catching up on procrastinated projects around the house and working on a very exciting Tot Shabbat program for NHBZ Congregation, which I will lead three times over the Tishrei holidays and monthly thereafter. Working on the program has given me the chance to appreciate all that I can contribute to the community at large, which would be a bit more dormant during kids-at-home times. It's nice to return to developing my professional self for more time each day, but it's with mixed feelings, as I miss all the kid time!
This change of schedule is a big deal! I am used to have Adira home from 12pm onwards every school day, and Nesya home every day! I definitely miss them a lot when they are at school longer. I was their primary influence for the last three years and five and a a half years, respectively, and now they are being entrusted to their morahs and teachers.
Now, I am acknowledging my feelings of missing them during the long day, but also looking at it from a new perspective. I am able to get so much done without as many snack and meal times, squabble-resolving, and kids' activities. It's quite grand! The time is passing fairly quickly as I have enough to do for now. And I'm really excited about going back into work, and I hope that picks up very soon.
One new and important perspective is that I am trying to be the kind of mother they will long to "be like" when they are older, the way I feel about my mom's legacy. I think about her so much and try to emulate her qualities. I have finally come to truly understand now how the relationship with one's parents really sets the tone for one's connection with the Almighty. It's still hard to articulate, but I will figure that out and share more later